The script for my life
Counting and reading
Writing and learning
Checking the boxes of an ordinary life
First steps, always happening.
Old beginnings, new endings.
A cyclical pattern, unknown was the start.
If I could find it would I understand?
If I could map it out would I better plan?
Could I understand the way my mind works?
Could I grasp something solid with the trio contained plus liquid and gas?
Trinity of self. Mind, body, spirit.
Only now I begin to truly hear it.
A breath in. A breath out.
each one ends. each one begins.
a cyclical pattern.
Of course there was a start to this… There will be an end.
I know the start of many happenings.
I know the end of many.
But why do I concern myself with this darkeness of the unknown?
Is the unknown always dark?
Is there such a thing as known?
Perhaps light comes from being unknown.
Perhaps light is defined by something other than known or unknown-ness.
Perhaps trying to define this in some form of poetical prose will not help.
Perhaps. A cup of tea.
The breeze outside my window.
Hearing children laugh in the distance.
Smelling a candle and seeing its dim light fade.
Perhaps a realignment with my true self.
The one I have hidden back in a forgotten room.
Waiting until it is safe to surface.
For the lights to be off so that I cannot be seen.
But cannot my true self be this one I have created?
Is the true self only the best self?
It’s probable that this is another unknown.
Maybe myself, being what it is, needs growth.
Maybe there is not a good or bad or best or anything at all.
I wonder if there is such a thing as just.
Believing that I don’t mark off every check box
I don’t type out all of my thoughts
I don’t finish every book or watch every episode
I just am. I exist. I am safe. I am loved.
To be. Alive. Fearing death more than fearing life.
Or to lack fears at all.
The softest blanket taking over the place of a usual lightning cloud
The silent room taking over the screaming mind