Lately

Lately, I love the little things
Lately, I can’t ignore them
Lately, I also attempt to scorn them

The smile of friendship starting
The smile of a joke continued
The smile perhaps of misunderstanding?

Misunderstood in the past. Now notwithstanding?
Misunderstood, the fear of it, taking over my planning
Misunderstood because of fear of misunderstanding

Living too far into the future
Living with my fears of bringing my past along
Living cannot happen if I drag this on

Subdued thoughts
Subdued actions
Subdued for too long brings compression

Compression, holding back my heart
Compression, keeping myself from ever giving my heart
Compression, lurking in the corner to explode, implode

Hopes that I have once had, moved on
Hopes that moving on is no longer my forever journey
Hopes that I may rest, that I myself am who I really am

The longing mixed with patience
Patience mixed with fear
Fear mixed with longing

Spinning. Around. Stopping.
The words of my heart
The beats of my heart with

One glance
A tone of voice

My name

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Originally written October 9th, 2017